commanderinqueef:

today at the park some guy broke his ankle and one of the people said “give him some lettuce” and everyone just stared at him for like 7 seconds until he said “I meant ice”

ifyoucarryonthisway:

how awkward are you on a scale from one to miranda cosgrove riding a candycane

boywithbutt:

happy halloween children i’m out of candy but here enjoy these wallet sized pictures of the trolling face it’s an internet thing ahah you wouldn’t get it have a safe night

edgur:

life is like a box of chocolates

i don’t have a box of chocolates 

shaving23spiders:

His palms are sweaty, knees weak
arms spaghetti
there’s vomit on spaghetti already
mom’s spaghetti
He’s nervous, but on the surface he looks calm spaghetti
to drop bombs
but he keeps on spaghetti

precipitates:

shall i compare thee to a summer’s day

thou art sweaty and warm and disgusting please go away

mrcraabs:

roses are red

violets are blue

sunflowers are yellow

i bet you were expecting something romantic but no this is just gardening facts

brought to you by mrcraabs